One time a young woman asked me, “Did you ever watch the Everybody loves Raymond TV series?” When I told her it was one of my favorites, she said, “Well, that’s my family; and that’s why I’m here. I need help navigating the holidays with my crazy, dysfunctional family.”
The holiday season has begun. We celebrated Thanksgiving this past week and now Christmas will be here before you know it. For many the holidays are a challenge especially as it relates to family. Some have lost loved ones this past year and it will be the first celebrated with an extra seat at the table. Unless you have experienced it, there is no way to describe the emptiness.
For some it’s broken or dysfunctional relationships to navigate through with each family gathering. Some have no family at all and they are alone. Still others can’t get together with family at all because of abuse or division in the family due to divorce challenges or many other seemingly unsolvable situations. Often, it’s not even about you but about other relationships gone awry and you are pulled into the middle of the mess. The list goes on.
I once heard a well known Christian leader say, “I don’t do family reunions, they are just too painful.” Most of us can relate on some level. So what is the answer? I’m not sure that I have one other than simply sharing what the Word of God says and relating my own personal experience.
First of all, it’s about Him — not me! We gather at Thanksgiving – hopefully with a grateful heart for all that God has done and to honor Him. It’s really not about the turkey or football contrary to popular belief – even though it’s amazing. We live in a free country even with all its problems and we have food to eat and clothes for our body — a lot to be thankful for!
Bottom line, it’s about focus. As we focus on the Kingdom and not on our problems it organizes our life as Pastor Bob Hamp at Gateway Church often says. If we focus on the problems, they organize our life. Seriously, I would never trivialize pain and neither does God. Sometimes we hurt!
At Christmas, it’s about celebrating the fact that God sent his Son into the world to save it – that is, you and me. Christmas of 1993 after losing my Daddy was one of the hardest of my life. I remember asking the Lord for his thoughts on Christmas that year and how to get through it. Like a ticker tape across my mind, came the phrase, “Daddy is gone but Jesus was born.” That brought perspective to my pain. I celebrated Him.
In 2006 my husband passed away. Once again our family was faced with the empty seat at the table. We tried to do some different things that year which were helpful. The pain was still there but our focus turned to Jesus who brought new life. Our little London was born that year so although one life left our family, a new one was added. She has brought joy unspeakable. Life goes on.
Less than six months after my husband died there was division in our family that kept us somewhat estranged for months. I was still grieving my husband’s death and then I felt separated from my family too. I remember feeling so alone and helpless. You might say I was forced to focus on Jesus because I had no choice. In actuality, I did have a choice. My heart drew closer to Him that year than ever before.
There are no easy answers when it comes to dysfunction in the family. I urge you to be especially prayerful when you gather whether you have issues or not. Pray for a peaceful time together and take authority over the enemy and any discord, strife and disunity. Pray for a spirit of unity over your family. And, If it is possible, as far as it depends upon you, live at peace with all men (Romans 12:18). There are times you can’t fix things – believe me, I’ve tried! You can’t always help others see another’s point of view or solve the problem. Remember, the scripture says, “As far as it depends upon you!” (Emphasis mine). Let’s face it; sometimes it just doesn’t depend upon you! Pray for wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of the Father who freely gives it.” I’ve found to pray more, speak less and love much almost always works.
Holiday Prayer: Heavenly Father, I pray for the reader that you will give him/her wisdom this Christmas season to seek your face about the challenges they face, decisions they make and words they speak. You are the Prince of Peace and the God of all wisdom. We invite you to be that to each of us this year. This is Your season – help us to keep You in the center of what we do and say and the gifts we purchase. You are the greatest gift of all and I pray that every gift that is given will communicate your love to the receiver. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Merry Christmas!